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By the time I turned 19 and reached Class. I had had one “boyfriend”, a classmate with whom I shared my first kiss and who gave me my first grope, before we “broke up” because we fought too much. By the time I turned 19, I had also blossomed and filled out a lot more than when I was 18, and started thinking of myself as a woman and not a girl. So one day when a jock named Salil asked me out, I accepted, and soon we were a couple. All this while, my infatuation for Ijaz had only grown. We interacted pretty regularly, since he and his wife were very friendly with my parents. But whenever he and I talked, I would blush and try to get away using some excuse or the other. The other girls teased me about my infatuation and I argued back claiming I was over that childish crush. I would even point out to Salil, the Handsome and suave jock that every other girl in school lusted after, as the actual “love of my life”. Yet every time I saw Ijaz, my heart would beat even faster than the last. I wasn't quite sure exactly what that meantthough; right now, and from hereon."You're referencing the wrong book," I announce."What?" I know who we are. We're Winston and Julia. After room 101. Afterwe've been destroyed and our love has been turned to hate."She knows what I'm referring to. Ironic that it seemed to close theloop on the conversation we had after I was crying on the couch aliteral lifetime ago."I imagine that wasn't too hard for you. Given your love was never realin the first place." It's a little spiteful as she says it. Virtuallyconfirming my analogy in one sentence.I don't tell her the truth. That my love for Kevin was indeed real.That it was all of my own creation. Especially when he never felt thesame way. But that did now become a bone of contention for me."You can bloody talk!" I bite back. "Real or not I did love you. And Itold you often enough. But you didn't feel anything. In spite of mybest efforts I couldn't get you to love me. I guess that possibly saysmore.
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